Category Archives: Absurdity Is The Only Reality

Do Not Squander Your Madness On Petty Things Like Reality: The Smile Challenge

“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You musn’t lose it.” -Robin Williams What is life without a little madness? What is there to take so seriously that we lose our sense of curiosity and wonder? Life has been a … Continue reading

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The Awkward’s Guide to Being Fabulous

Hello, my name is Amy and I walk into walls. Daily. Don’t be alarmed, I’m mostly harmless and incredibly fabulous. Being an oaf does not have to hold you back from being amazing and sexy. In fact, there are many … Continue reading

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Giant Rat Parsons Project

So I had a dream last night that a quartet of giant sewer rats were singing an Alan Parsons Project song to me while I sat in a jazz club sipping on a bright blue drink out of glass shaped … Continue reading

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How to meet your idols and eat their chocolate: Part 1

A few nights ago I attended a wonderful event here at SXSW. It was called People of Letters, a travelling letter writing brigade from Australia. The panel of letter writers was impressive, from my writing guru Neil Gaiman and his … Continue reading

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Lizzard Wisdom: Word Peeves

Kids, the word is bra, not brawl. Although, my tits do tend to brawl with the wire bondage of my bra. Fuck, nevermind. I guess you’re right. Go ahead and call it a goddamn brawl. 

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My Valentine’s Gift To You Is My Own Personal Embarrassment

Since today is Valentine’s Day and everyone is all excited in one way or another over it, I thought I’d share an old (I mean old) online personals ad description of me. I think it still applies. Although, I am … Continue reading

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Ghetto Gourmet: We Have a Serious Lack of Pancakes Around Here

I would write another installment of Ghetto Gourmet, but I am too busy thinking about pancakes and the fact that I don’t have any. This lack of pancakes is weighing heavily on my mind. So much so that I can … Continue reading

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Do I really need a reason to casually mention Joan Wilder?

For those wondering, I am not dead yet. Although the germ infested elderly were plotting my demise. Lucky for me they forgot the plan about a minute after they plotted. I caught their plague of doom anyway. I am on … Continue reading

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Lizzard thought of the night

Random thought of the night: This time last year I didn’t know who the fuck Robert Rodriguez was. Now I’m making an army of mutant octopi inspired by him. Life is weird.

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Hugging Death Traps

I’m sure you all want to know what it’s like to have a conversation with me. So here is a short conversation I had with my best friend about the fact that I am stuck at work chasing after the … Continue reading

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The Oracle of Austin

Austin, Here I Come The time has come for me to start getting serious about the job search in Austin. Which I have been doing the past few weeks. While I was perusing the online job listings earlier, I came … Continue reading

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Asshole Free Zone

This is a public service announcement: I operate an asshole free zone. Let me repeat that; this is an asshole free zone. If you feel that your very existence dictates that you must be an asshole, do not waste your … Continue reading

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Who’s That GPS?

I took a few days off from blogging to spend time with my family. I hugged my mother, my sisters, my nieces, and my nephews extra tight. Then I spent time with myself, appreciating how much I’ve grown in 2012. … Continue reading

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Words of Wisdom

I’m sorry guys, I don’t have time for a real post today. I overslept and only have 15 minutes before I have to leave for work. So I will simply post this picture of Moses with the most important commandment … Continue reading

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Lizzard Wisdom: Dream On

Lizzard Wisdom #32564 Live your dreams. Except for that one dream where you are running naked up the highway being chased by rabid beavers in pink cowboy hats carrying axes. Don’t live that one unless you are leading them into … Continue reading

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How I spent Robby Benson Day

Did you motherfuckers know that Dec. 3rd was Robby Benson Day? I declared it as such earlier today. This is your lucky day. I am going to give you insight on how I spend my day on Facebook.  Don’t worry … Continue reading

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Technical Difficulties, please stand by

Apologies to anyone who has tried to view the last few posts containing the new El Rey Pulpo commissioned pieces. I am having technical difficulties with uploading the images. I will try again soon. Please think happy thoughts that machines will love … Continue reading

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Cooking for One: The Ghetto Gourmet

Cooking from the ghetto pantry: Vol. 1 I am not a great cook. I am not a terrible cook. I don’t like to cook. So is the life of a single woman. My style is something I like to call … Continue reading

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Is that Gozer in your ice box or are you just happy to see me?

Bustin’ Makes Me Feel Good Watching Ghostbusters makes me feel less crazy. Mostly because of Bill Murray. But also because it makes my current soiree in the paranormal or supernatural seem perfectly legit. Yep guys, I’m all about life imitating … Continue reading

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I Want A Do Over

Today is useless. Let’s just start over and hope for a better tomorrow. Tomorrow should include the following: Coffee Kung fu movies Lasagna Cake or Pie or both A back rub from a scantily clad man in a kilt Aliens (illegal or … Continue reading

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