The Mom Stairs
The latest Art of the Lizzard is based on a very vivid dream.
In this dream I was with the man I previously referred to as Skippy and his children. The little girl asked me if I was going to bring her the Mom Stairs. Skippy and I gave each other a look of confusion and we asked her in unison, “What are mom stairs?”
She looked at us and giggled that little girl giggle that says she thinks that she is much smarter than us, then said, “you know, when daddies get married the new mommy is supposed to bring steps. Other kids at school have new mommies with steps.”
Again, Skippy and I looked at each other and laughed, knowing she is much smarter than us. Then came that awkward silence where we give each other that “are we really at that point of this relationship?” look.
I said to the little girl, “If you want me to give you mom stairs, we should build them together. What color do you want your staircase to be?”
The little girl and I made an herb garden next to the house where I could grow herbs for my tea. She suggested that we put the stairs in the garden so it can be surrounded by pretty flowers and honey bees. We built a set of stairs with five steps that leaned against the house in the middle of the garden where I had planted my favorite herb, lavender.
I asked her what she wanted from a new mommy with steps. We wrote her answers on each step.
- Her first answer was that she wanted her new mommy to be her new best friend and always be part of her family no matter what. So we wrote Family & Friends on the first step.
- Her second answer was that she wanted her new mommy to teach her fun things and make sure she was always doing the best that she could do. So we wrote a Guide & Encourage on the second step.
- Her next answer was that she wanted a mommy that always built her up, because she read that some stepmoms can put kids down. She wanted her new mommy to be nice. So I said, in keeping with the stairs theme, we would write Elevate on the third step.
- Next, she wanted a mommy to make her feel safe. I told her the story of how I was part Mama Bear and promised to be as fierce a protector as full blooded Mama Bear. So we wrote Protect on the fourth step.
- Her last answer was that she wanted a mommy to always love her. On the top step we wrote Love.
After we built the steps, we invited the entire family to sit in the garden to celebrate that mom stairs was now a part of the homestead. We decided to let the garden grow around the stairs in its own natural way, as life will undoubtedly grow around us as a family naturally. We would grow with the flow. And drink tea made by a new mommy.
Whether or not this dream is a premonition of my future family or just a lovely dream about my wanting a family (ahem, biological clock ticking like a time bomb), the message is clear. When I do meet the right man and he happens to have premade family, I will foster love, trust, and creativity as the foundation of my relationship with his children. I am embracing the possibility of becoming a stepmother, becoming a mother.
I personally do not have any step parents. But three of my siblings do. I always saw my mother and father as terrific stepparents to my brothers and sister. In fact, I never thought of my siblings as stepbrothers or a stepsister. They were my brothers and my sister. This is the example I was shown in real life. This is what I want to emulate if I was to ever become a stepmother. I may not have experience being a stepdaughter or a mother, but I do have plenty of experience caring for children, loving children. My naturally playful personality keeps me in a childlike state of mind. Which is perfect for motherhood, step or otherwise.
This dream moved me enough to create the latest Art of the Lizzard piece called The Mom Stairs. And of course I had to include flying saucers in 1st grade art class style or it wouldn’t be Lizzard art. But the flying saucers are also symbolic of the feeling any outsider gets when entering someone else’s family. There will always be an alien element to joining a family unit that’s already established.
FYI: After writing this, I received a message from my father. Anyone who has read this blog for a while knows that my father is deceased, but he sends me messages when I need them most. They come to me in the form of Patsy Cline songs. I recognize them as messages from him when they arrive in random, misplaced ways. As soon as I closed my computer after writing the bulk of this post, a rather horrible version of a Patsy song began to play on a television show I was watching. The message was that my father thinks I’m on the right track. But he is also telling me to proceed cautiously; love can be a leap of faith. But that leap goes both ways. I should keep in mind that Skippy has more at stake putting his faith in me. In other words, put aside the fear of loving someone because he is more than likely just as afraid of loving me. And one of us should be bold enough to let go of the fear of being used.